Emotional Validity and Reliability in Relationships
Relationship Communication Guide
As we continue talking about relationships and ways to improve your communication, I have a FREE Relationship Communication Guide you can download today to help kick-start your progress! In this guide, I give you my best relationship communication tips, suggestions and activities you can start to implement right away!
Click the button below to get access to my Relationship Communication Guide and start improving your relationship communication today!
It's important to understand the difference between reality and perception in your relationship. When you can take a step back and observe your thoughts, you are less likely to react based on perception and instead see the reality.
Perception vs Reality
It’s so important in relationships to make sure that you’re dealing with reality and not dealing with a perception of reality. This is not to say that your perception of events doesn’t matter but it’s important when building the same team mentality to be on the same page as much as possible.
Are You Making up a Story in Your Head?
Brené Brown talks about the importance of making sure that you don’t take a set of events and craft a story in your head that you then react to as though it is absolute truth. It’s important to be able to pause, check in with your partner and see if there is a way that you can get on the same page and to see where maybe you’re adding details that aren’t helpful.
Our brains are wired for story and so it makes sense that we would fill in details and craft a narrative that fits how we are feeling or thinking in a moment but it’s also a pitfall sometimes in relationships if we react to those stories as though they are true.
Do you have a tendency to generate negative thoughts about your relationship? Are you thinking about your relationship based on facts or are you basing them on a story you have thought of based on your fears, concerns, and worries?
Validity vs Reliability
As we talk about the balance, I want you to think about the difference between validating your feelings and believing them to be true. You need to look at the idea of how something can be a valid feeling and still not a reliable source of information that you should script your life around.
From a relationship perspective, it can be very valid that you get your feelings hurt but that’s not necessarily a reason to end your relationship right there in that moment. So that would be an example of the feeling being valid but still not being a reliable source that you should make a decision based on.
I find this happens quite a bit in our individual lives also. We have a feeling or emotion or thought and we so quickly want to talk ourselves out of it. I’m suggesting that instead, we actually spend time validating how we are feeling, communicating with our partner about those feelings and then also evaluating how reliable those feelings are in that moment.
The Yardstick Analogy
I use this with my clients quite frequently in my therapy and coaching practice and I want to share it with you.
I give them the example that I hand you a yardstick and I tell you to measure how many yardsticks across the room you’re sitting in is. Then however many yardsticks across, you go to the store and buy a rug to fit that space.
You get the rug home and find that it doesn’t fit. It’s very confusing because you measured and know how many yards it is so everything should be good.
What you didn’t realize that the yardstick was missing a few inches so instead of 36 inch measurements it was only giving you a 30 inch measurement.
It was a valid 30 inch measurement every time you used it, but you based a life choice on a 30 inch measurement when you thought you were basing it on a 36 inch measurement.
So because you had valid but faulty information that you made a decision based on, the rug doesn’t fit the space.
I would ask you to imagine how that shows up in your day-to-day life. Are there times that you are measuring things based on a valid feeling or emotion that may or may not be a reliable marker of what you need?
The process of developing a healthy strong relationship were you and your partner are on the same team is definitely a process. Giving yourself permission to keep having the courageous conversations of checking in when you have a thought and want to make sure of its validity and its reliability is very important.
Relationship Communication Workshop Updates
I have created an online Relationship Communication Workshop to help you dig into the communication struggles in your relationship and start getting things back on track. I have had a number of participants submit reviews and suggestions of different lessons that would be a great addition to the workshop. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so I have decided to listen to the feedback and expand the course to include even more relationship guidance.
There is an entire section that will be devoted to understanding even more about the love languages. I will also be providing you with more details on how to manage them in relationships.
I realize that not everyone wants to go through long-term therapy or the process of getting to a therapy appointment may not fit into your busy schedule. That's why I created this course. I wanted to provide you with a way to get access to the tools my clients get from me in my practice, but you can access the material from the comfort of your own home or wherever you are.
Download the FREE Relationship Communication Guide by clicking the button below, and you’ll be the first to know about the relaunch of my Relationship Communication Workshop!!!
Stop the story in your head and learn how to communicate with your partner in a way where you have the facts and are able to make decisions based on reality and not out of fear or misunderstanding.
1:1 Coaching Appointments Now Available
I am now offering a 1:1 coaching sessions for individuals as well as couples. If you would like to set up a 1:1 coaching video session to help you start working on your relationship, you can click here.
You get to decide how many minutes you’d like to purchase worth of coaching. Then, I’ll reach out to you in order to make the determination of how you’d like to use your time. We will decide how to split up your time in 30 minute increments up to the total amount you select.
Also, notice that the more time you purchase upfront, the more you save!
Follow Me On Social Media
You can follow me all over social media for more life and relationship tips.
I can be found on Facebook where I do many live streams as well as post during the week.
I can be followed on Instagram and in addition to posts on my feed, I am always in my stories posting help tips, tricks and ideas.
I’m on Pinterest throughout the day posting tons of life and relationship tips!
I’ve recently started using TikTok where I post helpful videos in 60 seconds or less with info you can apply to your life immediately.
I’ve also recently joined Clubhouse, so if you have an iPhone or and iPad, you can find me on the platform by searching for @lindsay.walden
