How to Know the Signs and Check In On Your Friends

Friendships are built on trust, understanding, and mutual support. Sometimes, the deepest connections are forged when one friend notices subtle signs of distress in another and offers a helping hand. This blog post explores a real-life scenario where one friend’s empathetic response to another’s silent struggle led to a deeper and more meaningful friendship. As a licensed couples and sex therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how powerful empathy and open communication can be in fostering strong, healthy relationships. I want to share this story to empower you, make you feel understood, and provide you with practical steps to support your friends in times of need.

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The Real-Life Scenario

Meet Emily and Sarah, two friends who have known each other for years. They often spent time together, sharing laughs and experiences. Recently, Emily began to notice subtle changes in Sarah’s behavior—she seemed more withdrawn and less enthusiastic about their usual activities. Sensing something was wrong, Emily decided to reach out and offer her support. Here’s how this simple act of empathy transformed their friendship.

Discover the 4 essential steps to offering support when you notice something is off with a friend. Practical advice to help you be there for them.

Noticing the Signs of Distress in the Friendship

Emily began to notice subtle changes in Sarah's behavior that signaled something was amiss. Sarah, usually the life of the party, had become much quieter and often seemed lost in thought. Their usual activities, which once brought so much joy, no longer seemed to interest her. Emily observed that Sarah was frequently canceling plans, something that was out of character for her. Even when they did spend time together, Sarah appeared distracted, her mind seemingly elsewhere. This withdrawal was not just a fleeting mood change; it was a consistent pattern that Emily couldn't ignore.

In addition to these behavioral changes, Emily saw physical signs of distress in Sarah. She appeared exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes that suggested sleepless nights. Sarah had also lost some weight, a noticeable difference that added to Emily's growing concern. Her once vibrant friend now seemed more tense and fidgety, behaviors that indicated she might be grappling with anxiety or stress. These physical symptoms, combined with her withdrawn demeanor, painted a picture of someone who was struggling internally, even if she wasn't voicing it.

Communication between the two friends had also shifted dramatically. Sarah, who used to be prompt and enthusiastic in her responses, became less responsive to texts and phone calls. It often took her much longer to reply, and when she did, her messages were brief and lacked the usual warmth and humor that characterized their interactions. This change in communication was perhaps the most telling sign for Emily, as it highlighted how deeply Sarah's struggles were affecting her. The emotional distance that had crept into their conversations was a stark contrast to their previously close and open relationship.

Emily’s keen observations of these subtle but significant changes in Sarah’s behavior, physical state, and communication patterns set the stage for her empathetic intervention. She knew that these signs were not to be ignored, and her decision to reach out with concern was driven by a deep sense of care and friendship.

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4 Steps to Offering Support When You Notice Something Is Off

1. Reaching Out with Concern

Recognizing these signs, Emily decided to reach out with genuine concern. She invited Sarah for a walk in the park, hoping the calm environment would encourage her to open up. During their walk, Emily gently expressed her observations and concern for Sarah’s well-being.

2. Creating a Safe Space

Emily assured Sarah that she was there to listen without judgment. She emphasized that it was okay to talk about whatever was bothering her and that she valued their friendship deeply. This created a safe and supportive space for Sarah to share her feelings.

3. Listening with Empathy

As Sarah began to open up, Emily listened attentively. She resisted the urge to offer immediate solutions or advice, instead focusing on understanding Sarah’s perspective. Emily’s empathetic listening made Sarah feel heard and validated.

4. Offering Practical Support

After listening to Sarah’s concerns, Emily offered practical support. She suggested they make time for regular check-ins and encouraged Sarah to seek professional help if needed. Emily also offered to accompany Sarah to appointments or help her with daily tasks to alleviate some of her stress.

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5 Steps to Transforming Your Friendship and Creating a Stronger Bond

1. Strengthened Trust and Bond

Sarah’s willingness to share her struggles and Emily’s empathetic response significantly strengthened their trust and bond. Sarah felt grateful for Emily’s support and more comfortable being vulnerable with her, deepening their friendship.

2. Improved Communication

Their experience led to improved communication between them. They became more open about their feelings and more proactive in addressing any signs of distress. This openness fostered a healthier and more supportive friendship.

3. Mutual Support

The situation also highlighted the importance of mutual support. Sarah, feeling supported by Emily, became more attentive to Emily’s needs, ensuring their friendship was balanced and reciprocal.

4. Increased Empathy and Understanding

Both friends developed a deeper sense of empathy and understanding. Emily’s experience of supporting Sarah through her distress made her more attuned to the needs of others, while Sarah learned the value of reaching out and accepting help.

5. Long-Term Positive Impact

Their friendship not only survived the challenge but also emerged stronger. The empathy and support they cultivated during this period became foundational to their relationship, helping them navigate future challenges with resilience and compassion.

Emily and Sarah’s story demonstrates the transformative power of empathy in friendships. By noticing subtle signs of distress, offering support, and listening with empathy, Emily helped Sarah through a difficult time, strengthening their bond in the process.

If you notice a friend showing signs of distress, don’t hesitate to reach out with concern and empathy. Create a safe space for them to share their feelings, listen without judgment, and offer practical support. By doing so, you can deepen your friendship and build a more resilient, compassionate connection. Remember, sometimes the smallest gestures of empathy can have the most significant impact on someone’s life.

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