12 Tips For Dealing With Low Desire For Intimacy During The Holidays (and How To Tell Your Partner)

The holiday season brings along a mix of emotions. While the scent of cinnamon wafts in the air and homes light up with festive cheer, many of us also grapple with feelings of fatigue, overwhelm, and an ever-looming to-do list. When the weight of such exhaustion settles in, intimacy with our partners can sometimes take a backseat. So, how do we navigate this?

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How to Work Through Low Desire For Intimacy During The Holidays

1. Understanding the "Why" Behind Proactive Communication

We often assume that those closest to us understand our feelings without us verbalizing them. But proactive communication isn't just about relaying information; it's about fostering trust. By giving your partner a heads-up about potential feelings of exhaustion, you're showing them respect and consideration. It helps them mentally prepare, making them less likely to misconstrue your weariness as a personal rejection.

2. Building a Safe Space for Vulnerability

The fear of making your partner feel rejected can sometimes deter us from expressing our genuine feelings. But intimacy isn't just about physical closeness; it thrives on emotional vulnerability. Creating a safe space where both partners can candidly discuss their feelings ensures that neither feels isolated in their emotions. Remember, it's okay to say, "I'm tired, and while I cherish our intimate moments, right now I need some rest." This is both validating for you and respectful to your partner.

3. Crafting Your Personalized Communication Blueprint

Every relationship is unique, which is why a one-size-fits-all approach to communication can sometimes fall short. My relationship communication guide is more than just a tool; it's an invitation for couples to craft their own personalized communication blueprint. By mapping out your feelings, triggers, and emotional needs, you can approach conversations with more clarity and empathy.

4. Tackling the Ghost of Misinterpretations

One of the most challenging aspects of relationship dynamics is combating misinterpretations. What might seem clear to you could be entirely different in your partner's mind. Addressing potential misinterpretations head-on by clarifying your feelings can dispel doubts, insecurities, and potential conflicts.

5. The Four Agreements: Your Relationship's North Star

The Four Agreements aren't just guidelines; they're pillars for a healthy relationship. When faced with sensitive topics like intimacy, these principles can act as your relationship's North Star, guiding you towards understanding and compassion. By ensuring that you speak with integrity, avoid taking things personally, steer clear of assumptions, and always do your best, you lay the groundwork for a thriving and understanding partnership.

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7 Practical Steps For Staying Intimately Connected During The Holiday Season

While the holidays are synonymous with festivity and joy, they can also be draining. When exhaustion sets in, intimate moments can feel more like obligations than desires. So how can couples navigate this season while ensuring both partners feel valued and understood? I've got you covered. (Psst...and if you need more you will LOVE my Relationship Communication Guide)

1. Schedule 'Check-In' Dates

Practical Step: Dedicate specific evenings or mornings as 'check-in' dates. These are moments when you both commit to discussing how you're feeling without distractions.

Example: Let's say you decide every Sunday evening while enjoying a cup of your favorite beverages you guys talk about the week ahead, sharing any anticipated stressors and moments when either of you might need some understanding or support.

2. Use the "I Feel" Technique

Practical Step: Instead of saying, "You make me feel...", try using the "I feel..." technique. This prevents your partner from feeling defensive and opens the door for understanding.

Example: Instead of saying, "You always want to have sex when I'm exhausted!", try, "I feel overwhelmed during the holidays and might need some nights just to rest. Can we find a compromise?"

3. Create a Shared Calendar

Practical Step: Both partners can mark their busy days or events that might be particularly draining. This gives a visual cue for when extra understanding might be needed.

Example: Both of you mark on the calendar when you have big work days or days that require a lot of your energy. You could also list upcoming events and obligations so both of you can prepare to help each other out and can make sure to plan some downtime together.

4. Practice Active Listening

Practical Step: When your partner speaks, listen attentively. Avoid framing a response in your mind while they're still talking. Respond with empathy, showing you genuinely heard them.

Example: Your partner says to you, "I feel pressured to host the family every year, and it leaves me drained." Instead of immediately suggesting solutions, you say, "That sounds tough. I can see how that would be exhausting for you."

5. Plan Intimate Moments

Practical Step: While spontaneity is lovely, sometimes planning can help. Discuss and set aside moments for intimacy, ensuring both partners are on the same page and can anticipate and look forward to it.

Example: Let's say you both decide Wednesday nights are your 'date nights'. You could cook together, watch a movie, or just cuddle. This is also the time to make sure your partner knows you are up for sex or would rather you two enjoy non-sexual time together This ensures you prioritize each other amidst the holiday hustle and are honoring each other's emotional and physical availability.

6. Introduce Quick Emotional Check-ins

Practical Step: Have specific words, phrases, or even emojis that indicate when one of you is feeling particularly overwhelmed. It's a quick way to communicate emotional states without needing a long conversation.

Example: Whenever you say "melting" or send a text message with the Melting Face emoji "🫠"  your partner knows you have had a challenging day and needs some space or extra support, and vice versa.

7. Engage in Small Acts of Affection

Practical Step: Even if you're not feeling up to a night of passion, small gestures can go a long way in maintaining closeness. A hug, a loving text, or even a smile can reassure your partner of your love.

Example: On days you are particularly busy but still want to show your love and appreciation, leave a sweet note in your partner's lunchbox, bag, or purse, reminding them you are thinking of them and love them.

To cap it off, relationships, like any meaningful journey, come with their fair share of ups and downs. While the holiday season might bring bouts of exhaustion, remember that it also offers countless opportunities for connection, reflection, and growth. With open dialogue, mutual respect, and a sprinkle of patience, you and your partner can not only navigate these challenging times but also come out stronger on the other side.

Boost your relationship's strength and understanding with these powerful daily affirmations. Designed for intimacy and connection, these words will uplift and inspire. Ready for a deeper bond?