Couples Therapy and The 5 Love Languages: Quality Time

🕰️ The Power of 15 Minutes: Quality Time as a Love Language

If you read last week’s blog, you already know I shared a full overview of The 5 Love Languages and how I use them as tools in couples therapy. After that post, several people reached out with questions about how to make each one more practical and applicable in real life.

So this week, we’re taking a deeper dive into one of the most misunderstood languages:
Quality Time.

⏳ Proximity Isn’t the Same as Presence

Many couples spend plenty of time around each other, but not enough time with each other. I hear this all the time in therapy:

“We’re always together… but it still feels disconnected.”

That disconnection usually isn’t caused by the amount of time—it’s what’s happening (or not happening) during that time. If most of your evenings include both of you zoned out in front of the TV or glued to your phones, the relationship may be physically close but emotionally distant.

Quality time is about full presence. It’s not about the number of hours—it’s about what those minutes are filled with. And the good news is: It doesn’t take long to make a difference.

💡 Just 15 Minutes Can Reshape Your Relationship

Here’s something I often recommend to couples:
Schedule 15 minutes of uninterrupted, intentional time together every single day.

Yes, actually schedule it. Put it on a calendar. Add a sticky note to the fridge. Set an alarm if needed.

Our brains respond well to structure. Once something is placed in a routine, it becomes easier to follow through. When we plan connection, it communicates priority—and over time, this small shift can rebuild closeness and trust.

Here’s how to use your 15 minutes:

• Sit together without screens or multitasking

• Make eye contact

• Share something about your day or thoughts

• Listen to each other without fixing, judging, or rushing

• Let it be about connection—not logistics or chores

This isn’t a meeting or a problem-solving session. It’s a window to check in with one another as human beings, not task partners.

🧠 What’s Happening in the Brain

From a neuroscience perspective, consistent Quality Time strengthens relational safety. When two people slow down and engage with presence, the nervous system registers that connection as safety. Cortisol levels drop, oxytocin increases, and emotional regulation improves.

This means your brain and body both start to associate your partner with calm, connection, and comfort—all of which are essential for long-term relational health.

In the Cognitive Neuro Therapy model, this kind of engagement is what we call a neural tether—a practice that consistently sends the message:
🧠 “I’m here.”
🧠 “You matter.”
🧠 “We’re connected.”

And these moments, repeated over time, create the emotional scaffolding needed for deeper intimacy.

💬 What This Looks Like for You

If you or your partner speak the Love Language of Quality Time, this daily practice could be one of the most powerful habits you build together.

Even if it feels awkward at first, that’s okay. Most new habits do. But give it a chance. Lean in. Show up.

You don’t need the perfect words or setting. You just need a willingness to be there—on purpose.

📍You can also take the official Love Languages quiz to get even more clarity about what matters most to each of you.

And if you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of disconnection, reach out. Whether through therapy, tools, or the content I share, I’m here to help you feel equipped and supported.

✨ Connection is always possible.
Even if it’s only 15 minutes at a time.

I love this image so much! Notice there are no phones or technological distractions and both people look comfortable and relaxed. It may not always be possible to achieve, but I’m trying to give you an idea of how to spend Quality Time in your relationships.

Ok, so you have the time blocked out on the calendar, and you’re sitting down to connect. Great! Now, I want you to engage in conversation. The goal is to steer clear of talking about problems and issues and to just focus on getting to know each other better or to reconnect. If it’s been a while since you’ve had meaningful conversations, it may seem a bit odd at first. It will get easier, and you may find you want to spend more than just 15 minutes a day! If you’re really struggling to find things to talk about, I recommend using a tool like the Ungame to help get the conversation going. The most important thing is to be consistent with this activity of reconnecting.

Maybe the idea of just sitting and talking sounds daunting or maybe it sounds a bit boring. Please don’t feel like this is the only way to spend Quality Time. The weather is starting to get nicer outside again as Spring begins. I often suggest to my couples in couples therapy to go for an evening walk through the neighborhood. This has the added benefit of being healthy for both people as well as allowing couples to feel connected because it’s a shared activity and the focus is still on spending time together.

This is a great example of a couples spending Quality Time with each other. They are also engaging in Physical Touch, and I’ll be talking more in a future blog post about how to incorporate more touching in your relationships!

The idea of The 5 Love Languages is to find ways to focus your attention and your time on each other. The more Quality Time you spend, the more your relationship will benefit. I’m always happy to help couples figure out the best way to implement The 5 Love Languages into their relationships. If you’re interested in setting up an appointment for couples therapy or marriage counseling, you can call my office directly at 314-485-9189 or feel free to send me a message through my contact us page. My direct email address is lindsay@lindsaywalden.com and you can also follow me on Facebook and Instagram for more relationship tips!