Couples Therapy and The 5 Love Languages

💞 When Love Gets Lost in Translation: Using the 5 Love Languages to Reconnect

By the time most couples land in my office, they’re already feeling the distance. Something that once felt easy now feels effortful. Conversations don’t flow like they used to. The spark they once shared feels more like a memory than a reality. And often, neither person can quite put their finger on what went wrong—only that they want things to feel good again.

When we start doing the work together, one of the first tools I reach for is something simple, accessible, and powerful: The 5 Love Languages.

No, it’s not therapy magic. But it is a solid first step toward reattuning to each other. I think of the Love Languages as a basic map—something couples can use to navigate the emotional terrain between “we don’t get each other anymore” and “I see you again.”

Because here’s the truth: you might be loving your partner deeply, but if it’s not in a language they speak, they may not be able to feel it.

Let’s break each one down—together.

🎁 Gifts

It’s not about spending a ton of money. It’s about showing that you thought of them—without being prompted. Picking up their favorite snack, bringing home a tiny surprise, or even writing a note and tucking it in their lunchbox can go a long way. For someone whose primary love language is gifts, these tokens are less about materialism and more about meaning.

🕰️ Quality Time

Here’s the hard truth: just being in the same room doesn’t count.
Binge-watching Netflix while scrolling your phones doesn’t either.

True quality time requires intentional presence. That might look like having an actual conversation over dinner, taking a walk without distractions, or just carving out space to check in with one another. If your partner lights up when you’re truly focused on them, this one probably matters more than you think.

💬 Words of Affirmation

“I appreciate you.”
“You handled that really well.”
“I’m so glad I get to do life with you.”

These words may seem simple, but they carry emotional weight. When words of affirmation are your partner’s love language, silence can feel like rejection. This doesn’t mean you need to become a walking Hallmark card. But it does mean being more mindful of the tone of your relationship. Are your words building each other up—or wearing each other down?

🧺 Acts of Service

Sometimes, love looks like doing the dishes. Or taking the car in for service. Or remembering that they’re out of their favorite coffee creamer and picking it up before they notice.

Acts of service aren’t about grand gestures. They’re about paying attention to your partner’s needs—and showing up in small, helpful ways. For some people, this is what makes them feel deeply supported and safe.

🤝 Physical Touch

Let’s clear something up: physical touch ≠ sex (although that can be part of it). This love language is about connection through contact—a hand on the back as you pass, a quick hug in the kitchen, a back rub, a kiss on the forehead.

For someone who speaks this language, being physically close helps them feel emotionally close. It’s nervous system regulation, bonding, and reassurance all wrapped into one.

🧠 How Love Languages Work in Therapy

What I love about the Love Languages framework is that it helps couples stop guessing. It creates a shared language, a common lens. It’s not the only tool—but it’s a meaningful starting point for real conversations about what actually matters in your relationship.

Inside the therapy room, I use this framework in a Cognitive Neuro Therapy-informed way. We look at how these preferences tie into your brain’s attachment needs, your communication habits, and your emotional regulation patterns. When we learn what safety and connection look like to your brain, it gets a lot easier to shift how you relate to each other in real time.

🧭 Your Invitation

Take a moment.
Think about how you tend to give love.
Now think about how you most like to receive it.
Do those things match up in your current relationship?

If they don’t—that’s okay. This isn’t about blame. It’s about becoming aware so you can become more intentional. And if you’re not sure where to start, I recommend taking the free 5 Love Languages quiz and talking through the results together.

Remember, you don’t need to overhaul your whole relationship overnight.
You just need one meaningful shift.
One small, intentional act to say:
“I see you. I care. I want us to feel connected again.”

And if you’d like support as you figure it out together, I’m here.
Therapy is a space to slow things down, take a deep breath, and get back on the same team.

💬 You can reach out anytime through my contact page, or follow along on Instagram and Facebook for more tools, tips, and truth-telling.

You’re not alone. Relationships are hard sometimes.
But with the right tools and willingness, they can also get so much better.