Relationship Q & A: How Do Deal with Breakups and Moving On
Recently, I have had a number or relationship questions submitted. Specifically, I had a few questions come in about how to deal with the ending of a relationship, so I thought I would devote this week’s blog to answering some of them. I love being able to have some Q&A, so please keep those questions coming.
How do I get over a breakup?
I don’t know that there is just one answer to this question. If you were able to read my post last week about grief, I covered the 5 Stages of Grief, and there is actually a lot of truth about those same stages occurring when a relationship ends. It is important to let yourself grieve the ending of a relationship. It is important to grieve the loss and to allow yourself time to heal. Time really is the great healer, and every day it gets easier to keep moving forward.
I’m a big believer in the idea that we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us. I don’t want people to settle for a one-sided relationship, so as much as I always recommend trying therapy or coaching as a way to work through the issues, it’s important to remember you deserve to be in a fulfilling balanced relationship with someone who wants you to be with you.
The ending of a relationship is not a reflection of your worth as a person, but all relationships are mirrors that can teach us a lot about ourselves if we are willing to view them that way. Part of the grieving process when a relationship ends could be about reflecting back over what worked and what didn’t. It can be a roadmap to follow as you move on to another connection in your future.
How long after a break-up should I wait until I get into another relationship?
There is not one set amount of time that applies to everyone. It is important to be mindful of where you are in the process of grieving the past relationship. It is also important to take time for the reflection I mentioned. If you feel that you are able to authentically connect to someone new, then I feel that is a more accurate way to know if you are ready to move on to someone new. If you are simply looking for someone to try to replace your past relationship or to fill the previous person’s role in your life, it’s probably worth taking some more time to heal.
Although I do believe the majority of us are looking for someone to share our lives with, it is also important to work on the relationship you have with yourself. While in a relationship, it can be easy to neglect your own needs and wants, so part of going through a split is about finding yourself again. What would it be like to work on yourself so that when a relationship opportunity presents itself, you are able to connect in an authentic and vulnerable way as your best self?
Is there anything wrong with a rebound relationship?
I am not against rebound relationships, but I do think boundaries are important if this is the type of dynamic you’re entering. Maybe go back and reread my blog about boundaries if you aren’t sure what I mean about setting healthy boundaries. Expectations can and often lead to hurt feelings and negativity, so it is very very very important to be upfront and honest about your intentions. Don’t lead someone on and make them think you’re looking for something long-term if that is not your intention.
There is nothing wrong with having a good time and trying to get back out there, but you also want to make sure you aren’t seeking a rebound as a way to not deal with the emotions that come up during and after a breakup. I’ve heard it said that the best way to get over one person is to get under another, and even though I understand this sentiment, I still encourage you to make sure you don’t lose yourself or numb your emotions through avoidance and losing yourself in a rebound. New relationship energy is a real thing, and it can be easy to get wrapped up in, so just be cautious when entering the rebound field.
Speaking of new relationship energy, that may have to be a new blog post in the near future. Stay tuned for that!
Is it possible to remain friends with someone I used to be in a relationship, and is it a good idea?
I do think it is possible to remain friends with someone you used to be in a relationship with, but it may take some time to achieve this goal. I think the basis of any good relationship is a good base friendship. One of the hardest things to imagine when going through a breakup is losing that friendship, so I completely understand the reasons to want to hang on to it.
Before a friendship can be achieved, however, there will likely need to be time for both people to heal. As I said earlier, time really is the great healer, and when dealing with breakups, it is so important to not rush things. It is ok to make your intentions to remain friends known, and if both people work towards this goal it is absolutely possible.
I wish I could say it is always possible, but that is unfortunately not the case. If one or both people are not able to move on from the romantic relationship, there will likely be struggles with jealousy and/or hurt feelings. Communication is the key to making this dynamic work. If both people are committed to moving forward into a new stage of the relationship that is no longer romantic, it can be achieved.
Work with Me
If you are interested in setting up an appointment for therapy, life coaching, or consulting or if you would like more information about ways to work through a breakup, you can call my office directly at 314-485-9189 or feel free to send me a message. My direct email address is email@example.com and you can also follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest for more life and relationship tips!
I will be launching a number of new workshops and coaching groups in the next few months, so there will be many ways to connect and work with me! Stay tuned for details on them coming soon!
Therapy Thoughts Workshops
If you are local to the St. Louis area and interested in attending my monthly Therapy Thoughts Workshops, I would love to have you join the discussion. With school starting this month, things get a bit hectic for everyone, so we have decided hold the next in-person workshop in September. It will be Wednesday, September 18, 2019 from 7:30pm-8:30pm, and it will at the The Bike Stop Cafe in St. Charles. We will be continuing the discussion about relationships, and I will let you know the exact topic very soon. Just a reminder, the cost is $5 to get in, and this gets you $2 off any drink of your choice as well as entry into the attendance raffle drawings. I hope to see you there!
Therapy Thoughts Podcast
My Therapy Thoughts podcast re-launching last week, and I am so excited!!! If you missed the first episode, here is the link for you to catch up. It will eventually be available in both audio and video formats, but for now, the audio format is available here for listening now or downloading to listen later.
Each new episode will be uploaded to my Therapy Thoughts Podcast blog on the website each Thursday afternoon at 2:00pm CST, and then I’ll share it to all the podcasting sites from there. It will be available on the Apple iTunes podcast site, and I’ll let you know as soon as it’s been approved there!
I am so happy to have this up and running again, and I am so grateful to all of you for your continued support. Remember to make sure you are following all my social media platforms so will know when each new episode is available. And, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel, so you will be able to watch the episodes once I have the videos ready to go!