Relationship Communication Struggles: The 5 Anger Languages & Expressions of Intense Emotion
Relationship Communication Guide
Looking for a way to kick start your relationship communication? I would love for you to download my FREE Relationship Communication Guide with relationship tips, suggestions and activities you can implement into the communication in your relationship! Click the button below to get access to my Relationship Communication Guide and start improving your relationship communication today!
The 5 Love Languages
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been talking about The 5 Love Languages and the ways they show up in your relationship.
If you have never taken The 5 Love Languages Quiz, I do highly recommend taking it so you can see what works best for you. Although you likely have a few ways that you enjoy giving and receiving love, the 5 different love languages are (if you click on the bullets below, it will take you to the previous blogs about each one of them):
If you would like more information about The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages is a great resource.
***This post contains affiliate links, and I may receive a very small commission if you purchase through those links at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping me out.***
It can be overwhelming to try to figure out why you or your partner is experiencing anger in your relationship. Today I am sharing The 5 Anger Languages to help you get to the root of the strong emotions rocking your world and causing you pain. Watch my video where I walk you through the 5 languages of anger and help you understand how and why they show up in your relationship. Join my email list and you get a FREE Relationship Communication Guide to help you create a healthy and authentic relationship full of love and mutual respect. Head to the blog to learn more | Healthy Relationships | Healthy Communication
Relationship Communication Struggles
Although The 5 Love Languages get discussed quite frequently, there are some lesser-known relationship languages that are also important to discuss and understand. Feeling disconnected from your partner or feeling like you’re speaking different languages in your relationship can cause a lot of friction and potential for hurt feelings, miscommunications, arguments, and resentments. What I’m referring to is the concept of The 5 Anger Languages and the different ways anger can show up in your relationship.
Anger is a Secondary Emotion
When talking about anger, it’s important to remember it’s a secondary emotion. This does not invalidate the anger you may be feeling, but it is usually masking some other emotion beneath the surface. In my years as a couples and relationship therapist, I have found the most common underlying emotion is fear.
It could be a fear of so many things:
Fear of being wrong about something
Fear of being controlled or feeling out of control
Fear of being treated badly or taken advantage of
Fear of being weak or lacking in some way
Fear of having to deal with the emotions rather than offload them onto your partner
Strong emotions like anger happen between people but it doesn't have to define or damage your relationships. Today I am talking about The 5 Anger Languages and how they point to deeper questions that will help you get to the root of the problem so you can start to heal and reconnect. Anger doesn't have to manifest into something bigger when you are able to recognize the feeling for what it is and work through it together. I will help you learn how to avoid damaging your relationship, how to communicate when feeling angry or when you partner or spouse is angry and how to create healthy boundaries to avoid the pitfalls that brought the anger on. Join my email list and you get a FREE Relationship Communication Guide to help you create a healthy and authentic relationship full of love and mutual respect. Head to the blog to learn more | Healthy Relationships | Healthy Communication
The Five Anger Languages
There are 5 different ways that anger can show up in your relationship. These can all show up at various times and for various reasons.
Righteous
This shows up as “I’m right, you’re wrong”
It is often an ego-driven feeling
It can escalate quickly into scorekeeping and throwing past arguments and/or mistakes back and forth as ways to hurt each other
Indignation
This shows up as “How could you do that?” or “What is wrong with you?”
The message that underlies this is to try and make the other person feel bad for whatever they said or did using a guilt trip of sorts.
Retribution
This shows up as “You are going to have to pay for that!” or “I’ll remember this and get you back!”
This one sends the message that you may forgive the other person, but you will never forget it!
Distraction
This is also known as deflection.
It’s a way to try to get out of taking responsibility for your own actions by diverting the attention to something else.
It may also show up as an extreme of saying something like “You never trust me” or “Why are you always looking for me to mess up?”
Justification
This shows up in the “You had it coming!” or “It serves you right!”
This is another form of scorekeeping that is basically blaming someone else for your emotions.
In the video below, I’ve gone into more detail about each one and the ways they may be occurring in your relationship.
Are you wondering about why you are fighting so much or feeling so much anger in your relationships? You aren’t alone! Tensions run high at times in all relationships and that can be confusing, overwhelming, and super frustrating. This post is going to teach you how to understand anger, communicate better when you are angry or when your spouse or partner is angry and how to find empathy, compassion, and connection. Join my email list and you get a FREE Relationship Communication Guide to help you create a healthy and authentic relationship full of love and mutual respect. Head to the blog to learn more | Healthy Relationships | Healthy Communication
Relationship Communication Workshop Updates
I have created an online Relationship Communication Workshop to help you dig into the communication struggles in your relationship and start getting things back on track. I have had a number of participants submit reviews and suggestions of different lessons that would be a great addition to the workshop. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so I have decided to listen to the feedback and expand the course to include even more relationship guidance.
There is an entire section that will be devoted to understanding even more about the love languages. I will also be providing you with more details into how to manage them in relationships.
I realize that not everyone wants to go through long-term therapy or the process of getting to a therapy appointment may not fit into your busy schedule. That's why I created this course. I wanted to provide you with a way to get access to the tools my clients get from me in my practice, but you can access the material from the comfort of your own home or wherever you are.
Download the FREE Relationship Communication Guide by clicking the button below, and you’ll be the first to know about the relaunch of my Relationship Communication Workshop!!!
1:1 Coaching Appointments Now Available
I am now offering a 1:1 coaching sessions for individuals as well as couples. If you would like to set up a 1:1 coaching video session to help you start working on your relationship, you can click here.
You get to decide how many minutes you’d like to purchase worth of coaching. Then, I’ll reach out to you in order to make the determination of how you’d like to use your time. We will decide how to split up your time in 30-minute increments up to the total amount you select.
Also, notice that the more time you purchase upfront, the more you save!
Follow Me On Social Media
You can follow me all over social media for more life and relationship tips.
I can be found on Facebook where I do many live streams as well as post during the week.
I can be followed on Instagram and in addition to posts on my fee, I am always in my stories posting help tips, tricks and ideas.
I’m on Pinterest throughout the day posting tons of life and relationship tips!
I’ve recently started using TikTok where I post helpful videos in 60 seconds or less with info you can apply to your life immediately.
