The 5 Love Languages Do's and Don't's
The 5 Love Languages
In my last blog and my most recent podcast episode, I talked about the 5 Love Languages and I gave some examples of how to start understanding them in the context of your relationship. As a couples therapist, I have many tools and ways to help my clients better understand themselves and their relationships, but I don’t feel like there is such a thing as a “one size fits all” approach to understanding relationship dynamics or maintaining a healthy relationship. The 5 Love Languages are just one of many lenses to use when viewing relationship dynamics.
This framework should never be used as a weapon or as an excuse for bad behavior within a relationship. I truly believe we all need some combination of all 5 of these things for a healthy functioning relationship, and I also believe there are so many other meaningful ways to give and receive love.
I do think it's important to tune into the ways your partner needs and wants to be loved. It may take some effort to learn to give to them in ways that aren't easy for you, but that doesn't mean it's impossible and/or cannot be achieved. I do love hearing from you when you have thoughts about things I post, and I love that I can receive feedback about what works and what doesn't work for you. Please know I value those interactions so so so much! If you have topics you'd like to see my address about relationships or other topics, you can always send me a message or omment here to let me know what's on your mind.
The love languages offer one of many lenses to view your relationship through, but that doesn’t mean there are no limitations to the approach. In fact, I think there are more than just 5 ways to give and receive love, and the love languages should be viewed in the context of a much larger picture.
Do you feel out of touch with your spouse? Do you feel like they don't understand you or you don't understand them. Start getting what you want and giving them what they need by making sure you are on the same page and speaking the same language. Want to know more, keep reading. #Relationships #CouplesTherapy
What are the 5 Love Languages
The 5 love languages states that there are 5 basic ways we give and receive love in our relationships. We all have some mixture of all 5 that show up in varying levels of importance when it comes to feeling love and tended to in our relationships. This is based on the work of Gary Chapman, and there is a way to take the Love Languages Test online on his website. The test is free and it can give you a breakdown of your
The 5 Love Languages include the following types:
Gifts
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
When trying to understand and speak the same love language as your partner, make sure you aren't making these mistakes. Click to find out the dos and don'ts and how to do better. #Relationships #CouplesTherapy
Love Languages Do’s & Don’t’s
Not everyone shares the same love languages and it’s not a requirement for success in your relationship. It is important to understand and tune into your partner’s love language, and it is important to try to give to them in a way that makes them feel loved, valued and appreciated.
The love languages are not ever to be used as a weapon or an excuse for bad behavior. It may take effort to give to your partner in ways that may not feel completely second nature to you, but it is possible to learn new ways of interacting. The 5 love languages can be an important part of a road map to follow to achieve relationship success. Below I’ve included some ideas and some of the do’s and don’t’s for incorporating the love languages into your relationship.
Do you know of The 5 Love Languages but they aren't working for you? Do you want understand your partner and reconnect? Diving deeper into the love languages and understanding the dos and don'ts and how to use these one of several tools, rather than an excuse is key. Read on to find out how to better use The Love Languages technique. #Relationships #CouplesTherapy
Gifts
Put thought into giving a gift, but don’t overthink the process.
Put effort into it.
Try to select gifts you think they would like to receive rather than selecting them based on what you would want.
Pay attention to their likes and dislikes and make some mental notes (or physical notes if needed) about the types of things they often give themselves.
Don’t feel like it has to cost a lot.
Get creative!
Acts of Service
Don’t make it complicated.
Keep it simple and don’t overthink things.
Remember to use empathy.
Ask yourself how you can make their lives easier or less stressful.
Start thinking of things you could do to make them feel loved through your actions.
Words of Affirmation
Use your words!
Find a variety of ways to incorporate words into things.
Start thinking of the different ways to use your words to send a loving message.
Write a quick note and leave it by their side of the bed or on the seat of their car.
Send them a text (or a multiple texts) to show you care.
Use a white board on the refrigerator to share notes.
Give compliments often and make the detailed.
Quality Time
Decrease the distractions.
Have meaningful conversations.
Go on date nights.
Remember quality over quantity.
Put effort into making your partner a priority.
Can you put the phones down?
Do a shared activity.
Physical Touch
Remember this is not just about sex.
Focus on non-sexual but intimate touching.
Remember to communicate.
Go back to the basics of holding hands.
Hold your partner’s hand or just rest your hand on their thigh during a car ride.
Share a 20 second hug each day.
Relationship Communication Online Workshop
I have created an online Relationship Communication Workshop to help you dig into the communication struggles in your relationship and start getting things back on track. I realize that not everyone wants to go through long term therapy or the process of getting to a therapy appointment may not fit into your busy schedule. That's why I created this course. I wanted to provide you with a way to get access to the tools my clients get from me in my practice, but you can access the material from the comfort of your own home or wherever you are.
What's Included?
You will get access to a series of videos, activities and worksheets that are designed to help you dig into the various aspects of relationship communication.
We will talk about The 5 Love Languages, The 4 Tendencies, The 4 Agreements and so much more.
I'll provide you with actionable steps you can take to implement these tools into your relationships.
The Relationship Communication Online Video Workshop will be live on June 15, and from now until then, you can join the waiting list so you’ll know all the updates and have access to any pre-launch specials I have available. Click the button below to join the waiting list.
Here’s the link to join the waiting list for this workshop. You can also find it and all my courses and variety of services on my Work with Me page. I am so excited to have you take part in this course, and I’m counting down the days to the launch!
1:1 Coaching Appointments Now Available
I am now offering a 1:1 coaching sessions. If you would like to set up a 1:1 coaching video session, you can click here.
You get to decide how many minutes you’d like to purchase worth of coaching. Then, I’ll reach out to you in order to make the determination of how you’d like to use your time. We will decide how to split up your time in 30 minute increments up to the total amount you select.
Also, notice that the more time you purchase upfront, the more you save!
You can always reach me directly through my email lindsay@lindsaywalden.com if you have any questions or if you want to know if this is a good fit for you.
Coach Crate
I cannot speak highly enough about Coach Crate. This monthly subscription service has helped me stay regular with my own self-care in so many ways, and I would love to have you join me on the Coach Crate adventure. It would make a great addition to the other work you are doing to live your best life.
January is all about habits and creating routines that work for you not against you. It has sold out, but you can sign up with my link, and you’ll get to start on the Coach Crate journey in February and the topic will be Happpiness. You can save money on your first order by using the code FIRSTBOX at checkout! I stalk my mailbox waiting it to arrive each month, and I know you’ll love it as much as I do!
Therapy Thoughts with Lindsay Podcast
Each new podcast episode is uploaded to my Therapy Thoughts Podcast Blog on the website Thursday afternoons at 2:00pm CST, and then it is shared to all the podcasting sites from there. It is also available on the Apple iTunes podcast site. You can subscribe, so you will never miss an episode!
If you want to check out last week’s Episode 22, here is the link.
I really am so grateful to all of you for your continued support, and I hope you’ll tune in this Thursday for Episode 23. Remember to make sure that you are following all my social media platforms so will know when each new episode is available. And, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel, so you will be able to watch the episodes once we start recording them on video as well as audio! We are so close to having the episodes available on video!!!
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